I live most of my life caught in the tension between being an open-minded optimistic seeker and an eye-rolling sideways-looking skeptic. Sometimes I whole-heartedly embrace new ideas and adventures and at other times I am cynical and resistant to things that seem manipulative or coercive in any way. There are ups and downs to this. I don't fall victim to online scams because I just assume that anything I don't easily recognize is a scam and I ignore it. And yet there is a good chance my cynical approach has caused me to miss responding to people who have tried to reach me (my apologies if you are one of those people) and I have probably also missed out on opportunities along the way.
Having both seeker and skeptic sides to my personality has made for an interesting spiritual journey. Being a New Thought Minister with a healthy sense of cynicism can be challenging at times. I am often torn between two truths.
I have a rich and deep internal spiritual life and yet passages in the bible and other sacred texts seldom resonate with me. I am more likely to be moved by a modern edgy poem than by scripture.
I love to contemplate and meditate on ideas of oneness and the interconnectedness of life and yet I resist any manipulative elements of spiritual communities and religious doctrines.
I have an insatiable hunger for learning and exploring spirituality and yet I am often suspicious of charismatic faith leaders.
I strive to live my life in alignment with something greater than myself and yet I am very resistant to being told what to do and how to live my life.
I truly feel that tending to our spiritual life can bring us peace and a sense of wellbeing, and yet I am also keenly aware of and saddened by the harm that has been caused in the proliferation of religious doctrines.
Can you relate to any of this? I trust I am not the only one who lives in this spiritual in-between space.
There was a part of me that thought that once I had devoted my life to a spiritual path and completed my ministerial training, the skeptical voice in my head would be silenced. I assumed I would settle into a place of clarity and I thought I would be able to rattle off a list of beliefs, values and spiritual truths with eloquence and conviction. You can imagine my disappointment to discover that, in fact, my ambiguity has actually grown.
So rather than carrying on trying to outrun my skepticism I have decided to lean into it. In this complex world, I think a lot of people are looking to deepen their spiritual life as a way to find peace amidst the chaos. I also know that, like me, a lot of people are turned off by religious doctrine that instills shame and guilt in its followers and that condemns communities of people for how they happen to have shown up in the world.
So where does that leave us? Perhaps we are being called forward to break through old ways of experiencing and expressing our spirituality. Perhaps we are being invited to explore spirituality anew with a beginner's mind, as the Buddhists say. Perhaps now is a time to explore the big questions of life and to dialogue with each other about our rich inner spiritual experiences. Perhaps we can give voice to the ambiguity and find some clarity in that.
Or perhaps I need to find a hobby so I don't spend so much time musing over such existential questions :)
If, by chance, you have made it this far in the post then perhaps there is both a seeker and a skeptic in you too. Are you feeling called to deepen your spiritual life to give you a sense of peace in a topsy turvy world? I'd love to know your thoughts.
While I would love to end this post with a tidy little conclusion that is full of answers, I want to honour the value of staying in the discomfort of life's big questions.
One thing that has spawned from my musings is our new online discussion group, "Spirituality for Seekers (and Skeptics)". I am excited to have some rich dialogue with others about their experience of the great mystery of life and beyond. I think it will be so interesting for us to describe our inner experiences of spirituality to each other. If you are interested in joining us, you can find out more here.
Much love,
Amanda Pope
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